Substitute
by binhereb4
Summary: An 'Alternative' alternative ending to the episode "Honey" ONE OFF


**OK - So I was just watching the episode "Honey" AGAIN...and this came to me..an 'alternative' alternative follow on ending...once I started it just poured out...**

**YES - I know this isn't going to sit that well with the 'Callian' die hards..but sometimes ...I just think you need to move away from the obvious and try something a little different. That is what I have done here in this One Off.**

**Let me know...hurl abuse at me if you like .....I can take it....I think!!!!!**

_Disclaimer as norm…_

**Substitution**

She reached out and spread her hand across his chest, letting her fingers gently play with the soft curly hair they encountered.

The arm he had round her tightened slightly, acknowledging without words that he was awake enough to feel her action and appreciate it.

His body was warm against hers and she waited until she heard the smooth even breathing that told her he had finally succumbed to sleep before she let the tears softly, silently fall.

**xXx**

Although he was a man, he was a boy still – and she had used him!

Knowing for some time now that he was somewhat infatuated by her, when she had turned up at his flat in the early hours of that morning, his first reaction had been total shock, but then he had seen the utter sadness in her face, the tears still sliding and he had just taken her in his arms, no questions, no reading, no intrusive questions into the reasons, or the motive for sudden arrival – just comfort and acceptance, and a strong need to take away her pain.

Bit by bit she had started dropping him signals, little giveaway tells that she knew he would pick up on.

Again there had been shock and surprise after the first one, but he had nevertheless followed the 'cookie trail' of signals that she left him. 

The first kiss when it came, had been tentative, unsure, he needed more reassurance that he was doing the right thing, reading the signs right. So she had deepened the contact on the second kiss, letting him know that he was.

She had felt guilty from the start, but had easily hidden that from him.

Then, as they scene progressed and he had gotten to kissing and caressing her naked breasts, she had nearly lost it – a sudden strong urge to grab her discarded cloths and run!. That feeling had been driven back by his simple honest ardour and attention.

This was what she needed right here and now.

A man that wanted her, needed her and was not afraid to show it- hide it in any way.

As he kissed and fondled she returned his attentions as best she could, but her mind – her thoughts drifted back – to the reason she had come here. 

**xXx**

He had turned up at her door earlier that evening. The evening of the day from hell!

From the start he had hidden behind excuses:

He was sorry for running out on her.

He was concerned for her wellbeing.

He wanted to tell her about the arrest.

After each reason he had nearly left and then returned, finally he broke and asked her if he could stay in her spare room.

She had agreed, of course! 

They had embraced and kissed as he entered.

When she closed the door on the outside world and turned to face him, she had let all her fear, all her feelings, all her love show for him to read.

He had seen all of it she knew that, but he just hung his head blocking her from seeing anything of him.

But he was here, he had come to her, and maybe..with time and encouragement he would open up. 

She walked over to where he was just hovering, again she slipped her arms around him and kissed his cheek. She felt his hands come up to either side of her face, and then his lips on hers.

There was passion, but it was passion born out of desperation.

After several minutes he broke away but kept his hands on her face – he was reading her reaction she knew that, and she let him.

"_Cal, today..earlier..when I thought I might lose you…I..I_"

"_I know luv – no – please don't start cryin again Gill _"

"_I'm sorry, I'm just so glad you are ok, and that you came here…Cal, I love you – I love you so much_" 

There was an uneasy silence during which time he seemed to be struggling with a multitude of emotions. 

Finally he let go a stepped backwards – away from her embrace.

A slight outlet of breath as he steadied himself for his next words.

"_Can't believe this is the second time this evening I am saying this, but – I shouldn't be here luv – I'm sorry_" 

Hanging his head once again and with just the slightest of touches to her arm as he walked by her, he left. 

She had no idea how long she stood there for. This wasn't what was supposed to happen!

He had said he was going to stay, she had believed she could finally open up and vocalise all the feelings she had been fighting to stifle for so long.

She had imagined them curling up on the couch and holding each other, talking to each other, finally crossing that line so that hey could be with each other.

He had stayed less than half an hour – hadn't even taken his jacket off!

She knew instinctively knew that he had run away back to his home and his whisky!

Once more he had chosen the company of alcohol over her.

**xXx**

Hearing Loker mutter something about the bedroom had brought her back to the situation at hand.

She had looked into his eyes and seen the love, the need for her.

He was not running away, he was taking what she was offering and hanging on to it, accepting it- wanting it.

He was offering her everything he had in return. 

Pushing away the niggling thoughts she still had that she was using him, she had allowed him to scoop her up in his arms and move to his bed.

As he had started to make love to her she had blocked everything else out of her head and lost herself in his passion.

It hadn't been that difficult, he was a good lover.

She had occasionally had to guide him in the right direction for her needs, but he had accepted the tuition with openness and an eagerness to learn her needs, there had, at no point been any awkwardness or embarrassment, just his youthful joy at being able to please her.

**xXx**

Now, as he slept, her feelings of guilt attacked her again.

Did he know? Had he worked out that he had been a 'substitute' for the man she really wanted to be in bed with right now – the man that had run away- again- from her declarations of love and blatant offer to join her in her bed.

Of course he knew!

Despite what a lot of people thought, Eli was incredibly astute. He was a brilliant reader and he seemed to be able to do it better with her than most others, so he had to have known.

He had chosen to accept the reason she had come to him, no questions, no accusations – just acceptance.

In many ways she loved Loker for his openness and honesty. If it wasn't for the age difference and the fact that she was his boss…maybe….

But he deserved better. He deserved some one that could love him completely, with the same honesty that she knew he would bring to a relationship.

Taking the cowards way out, she slipped softly from his bed, dressed and left.

**xXx**

Loker waited till after he had heard the door close to open his eyes.

Sighing he got up and made himself a drink.

He had known the instant he had opened the door to her why she was there – Lightman!

That stupid son of a bitch had hurt her again.

After the day they had all had, this time, it had obviously been too much for her.

Sure- he knew that she wasn't really in to him, that he had just been a 'release' for her pain and frustration at whatever Lightman had done this time.

But she had come to him! She had trusted him enough to help her – and that made him happy.

Tomorrow – well later that day really – he would sit at his desk as normal, speak to her about work – the day before- check any files she wanted him to, and act like nothing had happened.

He would make it easy for her – maybe not so easy for him….but he would deal.

He could spend the whole day flirting with Torres..when Gillian wasn't around of course!

He would come home, do his usual things, and go to bed, maybe her perfume would still linger on the pillows, the sheets. He could have sweet dreams of the few hours he had been allowed to love Dr. Gillian Foster.


End file.
